Friday, March 7, 2008


I have not been here in awhile. Every time I open the page I see Sebastian. I know that it sounds irrational but that is it. I wanted him t die here at home in peace but that was not to be. Since then I have not been exactly friendly to my other cats. It is nothing they have done except they are cats. Even Buddy is feeling it. He has not slept with me in a long time. He still gets in my lap and lays on my shoulder but it is different. I guess because I am different. I found myself shutting down real bad the last couple of weeks and I am having a hard time snapping out of it.I know it is not just losing my cat. It is not just the winter blues. I am lonely. I know that. I live out in the country with no neighbors to be friends with. I do not have a car or a bicycle to get around on. My family is scattered around and no one wants to be a family. They all have their own lives. I am not someone that makes friends. I do not know how. I never have known how. I tried all the usual things,:work,ball teams, clubs, church, bars,school. I met people but I never made friends. My journals are the only place I have ever had anybody actually care about me. Of course I could be fooling myself there also. If I am don't tell me. I really don't need to know.
I know this sounds like a pity post, woe is me. maybe it is. I will work it out. I will be okay.


Donna said...

Celeste, I care. Things will get better.

Gaboatman said...

My heart goes out to you about Sebastian. Things will get normal again with the other cats eventually, I'm sure. I understand about not having any friends. I have a lot of acquaintances here in this area, but my true friend lives in Florida and I only see him once a year at best. Making real friends seems hard once you get older. I sure hope you can get a car for yourself soon. That might help if you can start getting out and about again. Oh, and don't second guess your online friendships. I'm finding that they can be very real, indeed. You take care!